A friend of mines recently e-mailed this to me and I thought it was pretty post-worthy. If you’ve watched a lot of movies like I have, you’ll find these pretty hilarious. Here are 50 lessons learned from movies:

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

31. If you decide to hack into the CIA database, all you need is a laptop and an internt connection. it will usually take about 10 seconds to get into the system and you will usually be undetected.

32. No matter how dirty the water is, it is still possible for you to jump in and open your eyes underwater. You’ll be able to see everything clearly and your eyes wont hurt.

33. In every bar you go into, the bartender will always know how to make any and every long named drink of your choice.

34. When walking in a quiet and dark area, its only fair to ask if someone is there.

35. It’s always possible to outrun a explosion/fireball by running straight towards the camera, sometimes in slow motion.

36. The prologue and/or epilogue, when applicable, is always narrated by a soothing calm monotone voiced individual, preferably Morgan Freeman.

37. Never be afraid to jump off of a building into an open dumpster, as the contents will most likely always be clean, fluffy garbage bags.

38. Most police officers HATE partners. If they do have a partner that they trust and like, he/she will die.

39. The last bad guy in a shootout is too tough to die fast like everyone else. He must pretend to give up or be dead, and suddenly try to shoot one of the good guys. Then and only then can he die quickly.

40. Cars can screech tires and burn rubber even if they’re on gravel or sand.

41. Everybody’s phone number starts with 555.

42. Monsters always make noise before attacking.

43. If you have face stubble….you have a dark mysterious past.

44. Ancient Romans had English accents.

45. Nobody has morning breath in the movies…the first thing a couple does is kiss each other when they wake up.

46. All helocopter crashes occur on the other side of the mountain.

47. Computers in sci-fi films have either male or female voices that speak in a calm, reassuring tone even in the most extreme situations.

48. In high speed chases, no car ever runs out of gas.

49. Funerals usually happen when it rains. The hardest, bravest, coolest person is usually the one without an umbrella or hat and usually stands alone either to the side or behind everyone.

50. If your female who has never been on a date or even been hit on, don’t worry. All it takes is some contacts, new hair styles, and new clothes to make you the baddest bitch in the town.

Thanks to Gaia09, I’ve finally changed the visual style on my desktop. I also got some new Rainmeter widgets and a new wallpaper. I absolutely adore it. Gaia 09 has been wonderful!

My Blackberry Storm got a new look as well. I was using an old Tiffany’s theme I had for a while, but I’m really enjoying this bDroid Storm Reloaded theme. It’s animated and the icons are cute. It’s different from the standard bottom dock theme, which is hard to find for a free BlackBerry 9500+ theme. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Since I forgot to mention it yesterday, I made another trip to the library. The top three books are: The Joy Luck Club, The Kite Runner, and Digging To America. The bottom four are a few books on interior design that I will be posting about soon, so stay tuned. There’s some amazing rooms in those books. I can’t wait to fully study through them. I completed The Kite Runner and I’m halfway through The Joy Luck Club. Amazing books so far. I hope to complete The Joy Luck Club over the weekend so I can get through Digging To America next week. I want to put a hold on Domino: The Book of Decorating. It’s an interior designer must have!

I’ve been searching for a proper to-do app for months. I heard of Remember The Milk before but I never gave it a second thought. I decided to download the app, Remember The Task, which is an Adobe air application for Remember The Milk. I love it! It’s so organized and wonderful. I’ll definitely be using RTM from now on.

I recently discovered artist, Vienna Teng. Her voice and music are wonderful. I’ve been indulging myself into her entire discography today. She’s quickly become a favorite.

David and I finally finished The Curious Case of Benjamin Button late Wednesday night. It was wonderful! I watched half of it earlier in the year but couldn’t commit due to technological issues. It was worth the wait. I loved every minute of it. I’m thinking of getting the book on my next library journey.

I found illustrator’s Julia Rothman’s portfolio this week, and fell in love. Her work is wonderful, all of it! If you want to be inspired, definitely take a look. I may feature her in a post in the near future so be on the look out!

Gossip Girl actress, Leighton Meester, dropped a style bomb on the red (err…green) carpet at the Teen Choice Awards on Monday. I am in love with her shoes. If I had $1000 to spare, I would buy them to be married in. They’re gorgeous. Her entire look is fun and flirty. I don’t usually give teen idols a second glance, but she looked gorgeous.

That’s it for the week. I have more but this list would have never ended. It’s been a pretty happy week. How about your week?

David and I have started a brand new design studio. That was fast huh? I’m very excited about this entire thing. The branding is almost complete. I’m getting business cards. I’ve already designed mines and soon they’ll be shipping to the printer. We’re going to be doing branding/web design for now. It’ll expand over time. I hope to get a lot of local business in the area so I have to upgrade my cell phone soon. It’s the new beginning of something great. I can’t wait to launch it completely. It’s seriously amazing.

My birthday is 28 days away. I’ll officially be nineteen on April fourth. I’m excited. It’s my first birthday that I can plan for myself. It’s the first birthday I’ll be with David. It’s my first birthday on a Saturday in a LONG time. It’s my last year as a teenager but I’m sure I’ll make the best of it.

I have a pen pal that I need to send a letter too. I haven’t had a pen pal since the fifth grade. I also need to send my e-mixtape to my other lovely friend. Livejournal communities bring people together.

Windows Live Messenger released an awesome update. It’s visually amazing. It makes me actually want to give people my MSN address…but not really.

I got 500 Twitter followers last night. Apparently I’ve gotten 30 more today. Follow Friday sure does entertain you. I love Fridays on Twitter. Speaking of Twitter, DCTH is also awesome for designers.

I don’t really share my Tumblr with many people. However my lovely friend Georgie is breaking out onto the internet via Tumblr. She’s an amazing lush person. I love her so much. So you should definitely stop by her site and follow her if you have Tumblr. If you happen to find me through her and follow me, I don’t mind. However I’m just not in the mood to share the link with the world.

Do I really need to explain the hype over Watchmen? I can’t wait to see the movie. Hopefully I’ll catch it tomorrow afternoon. I won’t blog about it, I promise. :)

Cycle 12 of America’s Next Top Model started this week. I’m completely in love with Fo (pictured above). I think she’s completely adorable and she has a nice personality so far. Of course I could be wrong! I also adore Allison and Aminat. This cycle looks promising. I think Tyra is completely off her rocker and I love it.

#10 – The Witches (1990)

The movie orginally was released when I was just eight months-old. However, it’s still a timeless classic. This movie is about a young boy who goes to a hotel with his grandmother. However the hotel just happens to be the meeting place of an annual witch convention. He’s nosey, gets caught with his chubby friend. They get turned into mice. They eventually figure out a way to rid of the witches by putting potion in their soup. The witches all turn to mice minus one good witch who eventually turns the boy back at then end of the movie.   

#9 – Child’s Play 2 (1990)

Why is this better than the original Child’s Play? For the lulz-factor. It’s way less serious and more hilarious. Chucky, the doll possessed by fictional serial killer Charles Lee Ray, decides to be a mega-stalker. He takes his stubby plastic legs and goes to find Andy, the child whose life he ruined in the first movie. Andy had been placed in a foster home with his new foster sister, Kyle (seen in pic). Everybody decides that Andy was just crazy and imagined that a doll killed everyone.  Chucky decides to take this as an opportunity and tries to kill Andy so he can get out of his doll body. Kyle, after her foster parents are killed, realizes Andy was right and eventually they kill Chucky again. So they think.

#8 – Don’t Look Under The Bed (1999)

 Before Disney began licking Zac Efron’s ballsack, there were actually good made for TV movies. One of the funniest (and never played on Disney EVER) was Don’t Look Under The Bed. The story is about a high school aged-girl named Frances who skipped a grade. (OH NOES, HER LIFE IS OVER. I skipped a grade and never acted so bitchy.) The fact that she’s already an underaged, overachieving smart bitch is too much for her too handle and she starts slacking in school. During her “tough time”, Frances begins to get framed for ridiculous pranks. One included putting jello in the school pool I think?  So instead of being realistic, everyone thinks Frances is acting out. Everyone but her brother’s imaginary friend, Larry Houdini. Because, you know, if all fails, call on someone who doesn’t exist. Larry and Frances go to the Boogeyworld and find out that Frances’s old imaginary friend turned into a Boogeymanperson. The world goes back to normal and Frances apologizes for forgetting her old imaginary friends. Yes, imaginations do rule.

#7 – Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Halloween is not Halloween without Uncle Freddy. Okay, in the midst of the great era that was the 80s, Wes Craven took a big shit and it turned out tobe this awesome movie. In the quaint little town of Springwood, serial killer Freddy Krueger killed a bunch of kids with one glove that had blades attatched. He doesn’t get convicted and the parents throw him in the boiler. Years later, the new kids of Springwood get visited and murdered by Freddy in their nightmares. Yes, this one good reason not to fall asleep if you’re watching it for the first time. You’ll be scared shitless thinking some man with blades is going to kill you. 
#6 – The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Before Hot Topic was born, Tim Burton decided to play around with stop animation in a more gothic style. This brought us the lovely classic that’s TNBC. TNBC is about the residents of Halloweentown and their prized citizen, Jack Skellington. Jack is tired of Halloween and wants to do something new. So he takes his nosey boney ass into Christmastown, sometime that has nothing to do with him.  He decides to steal Christmas, gets the town involved, and  almost gets Santa Claus killed. It all works out in the end. The kids get their real toys. Everyone realizes that they should stay in their place. Oh and Jack gets a fine piece of ass named Sally to keep him in his place.

#5 - Casper (1995)

A widower and his teenage daughter move into an insanely huge house so he can study paranormal activity. The house just happens to be home to three other ghosts and a friendly ghost, Casper. The three ghosts spend their time toying with the father meanwhile Casper puts his transparent moves on Kat. Kat obviously has no friends because she’s just SO different (i.e. intelligent) and decides to host a Halloween party at her huge haunted house. Casper helps her out, blah blah, two evil people think there’s money in the house, blah blah, they end up being wrong, blah blah, Casper turns human for like 5 seconds, kisses Kat at the party, then goes ghost and scares everybody. It’s a cute movie, idk if anybody in the world has never seen Casper but I love it.

#4 - Addams Family Values (1993)

The sequel to the original Addams Family, this movie is hilarious. It also stars Anjelica Houston and Christina Ricci, who were both previously on this list. The Addams Family welcomes a new baby who is despised by Wednesday and Pugsley (two children). In the midst of the chaos in the house, Gomez Addams hires a nanny by the name of Debbie. Uncle Fester falls in love with Debbie and so does the family, minus Wednesday and Pugsley. Wednesday and Pugsley are sent off to some happy shiny summer camp while Debbie marries Fester for his money of course. She’s exposed at the end for being a golddigger and a husband killer and all is well.

#3 – Hocus Pocus (1993)

The story of 3 witches, a virgin, the popular pretty chick, a cat, and a annoying little sister. However, it just so happens to be hilarious and the only role that Sarah Jessica Parker looked gorgeous in. Max is pretty much a loner who just moved to Salem. (Sounds familiar? Does anybody in Halloween movies fit in?) He gets picked on but falls head over heels for this chick Allison. So Allison, Max, and his sister Dani go over to the Sanderson sisters house and goes to light the candle that would bring them back. Thinking it’s just a myth, Max (THE VIRGIN) does so. Of course, it’s far from a myth. The Sanderson sisters parade around Salem snatching unguarded children to keep their imortality while the three idiots try to kill them. They do die at the end after the longest Halloween night ever. (WHY WAS DANI ALLOWED TO BE OUT SO LATE IN THE FIRST PLACE?) Yeah it’s a great movie.

#2 – Rob Zombie’s Halloween (2007)

 At the first trailer, I was in love with this movie. I love the classic Halloween series; but after seeing this in theaters last year, I fell in love. Not only did it have plenty of people jumping out of their seats, it’s completely different than the original Halloween. It follows the life of young Michael Myers in his dysfunctional family. His anger builds up until he eventually starts to murder. He kills everyone but his mother and gets sent away to a mental hospital. After killing a nurse in the hospital, his mother commits suicide. Michael then becomes an angrier person and develops a mask-making habit. He only wears masks out until fifteeen years after the incident with the nurse, Michael breaks loose and goes psycho. He finds out his baby sister is still alive and goes to try to kill her. I guess I can only spoil a movie so much so I’ll leave out the ending.

#1 – Ju-On (2000)

The first time I saw this movie was shortly after The Grudge was released on DVD over here. I was thinking oh okay, since I’ve seen The Grudge it won’t be as scary. I was dead wrong. This movie scared the mess out of me. I don’t think I went to sleep that night. I was thinking I was so bold. The story revolves around a cursed house and a spirit stalking, scaring, and killing those who enter. She and her son were killed by her jealous husband who found out that she was in love with another man. Just the fact that you never knew when she would pop out is the worst suspense ever. I mean, even reading subtitles scared me. I would recommend this movie to anybody who can handle it. It’s my favorite horror movie and my favorite movie to watch this time of year. I think I may get some balls and watch it tonight.